He's Still Makin' Wookie
By Corey Lyons
Contra Costa Newspapers
May 14, 1999
RUMORS of Chewbacca's demise have been greatly exaggerated.
Alas, the free-agent Wookiee reportedly held out for a better contract and will not appear in "Star Wars: Episode I -- The Phantom Menace."
Don't fill out those Death Star membership forms yet, kids. Chewie, as we affectionately call him, remains a lovable and wildly popular cult figure. He is mobbed wherever he goes.
Exposure has not been a problem for Han Solo's hairy co-pilot, who has not appeared in a film since Chevy Chase lost his sense of humor (1983).
In fact, recent rumors have Chewbacca sunbathing nude at a Club Med resort in Bora Bora and cuddling with C-3PO at the SkyDome Hotel, which overlooks the Toronto Blue Jays baseball diamond.
Darned tabloids.
His name and image have been scattered across the world like NATO missiles.
Chewie's nude image has been downloaded on the Web more times than Pamela Anderson Lee and Yoda combined.
And grown men across the country have been embarrassed on video tapes in which they were caught playing with Chewbacca action figures. ("No comment" is a popular reply from my public defender.)
A company called Star Jars sold a limited edition set of Chewbacca cookie jars ($249), which featured a colorful bust of our favorite blue-eyed beast.
An alternative rock song has even been written about the Chewmeister; Supernova's "Chewbacca" appeared on the "Clerks" movie soundtrack.
Still, Chewbacca is struggling to find his niche in the movie business. Being typecast as a 7-foot Wookiee will do that.
But if George Lucas ever gets around to filming the final three movies of his trilogy -- somewhere around 2036 -- Chewie's the man.
For the five of you who have not heard of him, here are some Chewbacca facts:
He is from the jungle planet Kashyyyk, where he was married to a Wookiee named Maala;
He is an accomplished mechanic, faithful friend and fierce warrior;
Sans trousers, he carries a bandoleer strap across his left shoulder, which serves as a cartridge pouch;
Classified as a runaway slave and a smuggler by the Empire, Chewie was saved by Han Solo, to whom he is indebted for life;
He is more than 200 years old;
According to Kashyyyk folklore, he can eat nine super burritos in one sitting;
Thousands of grown men across the country have tried (unsuccessfully) to emulate his trademark grunts, groans and wails. But until our furry friend appears on the big screen again, a collection of home-enslaved cyberloons indicate that Chewbacca's legend continues to grow.
One site, called "Chewbacca's Corner," was launched by a hermitic soul in 1997. In it, he has compiled a list of the top 10 reasons why "Star Wars" is better than "Star Trek."
No. 1? "Unlike Captain Kirk, Chewie doesn't need hair gel to look good."
Uh, friend? Oh, never mind.
"World O' Chewbacca," created by "Andrew Wookiee Massey," has attracted more than 30,000 visitors. Our Wookiee Web operator offers "Star Wars" theme music on his site, at which one can download photos, view a painting of Chewie, read movie scripts or see a clip of Andrew dressed as Chewbacca in a snug-fitting black T-shirt.
Scary. Very scary.
This (rumor) just in: Chewie will make a cameo appearance as a carpet in the upcoming film "Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me." Studio executives -- like the folks at SkyDome -- declined comment.
Contra Costa Newspapers
May 14, 1999
RUMORS of Chewbacca's demise have been greatly exaggerated.
Alas, the free-agent Wookiee reportedly held out for a better contract and will not appear in "Star Wars: Episode I -- The Phantom Menace."
Don't fill out those Death Star membership forms yet, kids. Chewie, as we affectionately call him, remains a lovable and wildly popular cult figure. He is mobbed wherever he goes.
Exposure has not been a problem for Han Solo's hairy co-pilot, who has not appeared in a film since Chevy Chase lost his sense of humor (1983).
In fact, recent rumors have Chewbacca sunbathing nude at a Club Med resort in Bora Bora and cuddling with C-3PO at the SkyDome Hotel, which overlooks the Toronto Blue Jays baseball diamond.
Darned tabloids.
His name and image have been scattered across the world like NATO missiles.
Chewie's nude image has been downloaded on the Web more times than Pamela Anderson Lee and Yoda combined.
And grown men across the country have been embarrassed on video tapes in which they were caught playing with Chewbacca action figures. ("No comment" is a popular reply from my public defender.)
A company called Star Jars sold a limited edition set of Chewbacca cookie jars ($249), which featured a colorful bust of our favorite blue-eyed beast.
An alternative rock song has even been written about the Chewmeister; Supernova's "Chewbacca" appeared on the "Clerks" movie soundtrack.
Still, Chewbacca is struggling to find his niche in the movie business. Being typecast as a 7-foot Wookiee will do that.
But if George Lucas ever gets around to filming the final three movies of his trilogy -- somewhere around 2036 -- Chewie's the man.
For the five of you who have not heard of him, here are some Chewbacca facts:
He is from the jungle planet Kashyyyk, where he was married to a Wookiee named Maala;
He is an accomplished mechanic, faithful friend and fierce warrior;
Sans trousers, he carries a bandoleer strap across his left shoulder, which serves as a cartridge pouch;
Classified as a runaway slave and a smuggler by the Empire, Chewie was saved by Han Solo, to whom he is indebted for life;
He is more than 200 years old;
According to Kashyyyk folklore, he can eat nine super burritos in one sitting;
Thousands of grown men across the country have tried (unsuccessfully) to emulate his trademark grunts, groans and wails. But until our furry friend appears on the big screen again, a collection of home-enslaved cyberloons indicate that Chewbacca's legend continues to grow.
One site, called "Chewbacca's Corner," was launched by a hermitic soul in 1997. In it, he has compiled a list of the top 10 reasons why "Star Wars" is better than "Star Trek."
No. 1? "Unlike Captain Kirk, Chewie doesn't need hair gel to look good."
Uh, friend? Oh, never mind.
"World O' Chewbacca," created by "Andrew Wookiee Massey," has attracted more than 30,000 visitors. Our Wookiee Web operator offers "Star Wars" theme music on his site, at which one can download photos, view a painting of Chewie, read movie scripts or see a clip of Andrew dressed as Chewbacca in a snug-fitting black T-shirt.
Scary. Very scary.
This (rumor) just in: Chewie will make a cameo appearance as a carpet in the upcoming film "Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me." Studio executives -- like the folks at SkyDome -- declined comment.
posted by Corey at 10:52 PM
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